I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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