She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
