If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
