All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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