The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
