whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
