The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
