we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
