I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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