fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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