So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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