thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
