I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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