P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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