when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
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he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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