You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
