I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
