What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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