You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
