I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
