normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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