let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
