Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
