she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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