I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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