so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just blew my weed a kiss
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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