So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
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