She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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