i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
