Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
