I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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