Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
