I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm always down for nudity.
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