We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
