I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
