yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.