you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
They took my balls.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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