do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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