Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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