Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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