Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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