Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
