I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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