god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
