3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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