forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
