he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
