why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
