the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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