she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
