Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
