I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
