Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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