Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
