I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
