Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
