What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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