I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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