So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
pray to the hookup gods
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
