You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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