I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Dignity is for republicans.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
