Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
