You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
