Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
