I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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