i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
