running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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