I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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