I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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