btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
