So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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