I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize