cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
