Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
