in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
