Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
